Survivormen…

Every family who has a son or daughter in post-secondary education knows that the weekend before holiday time always is reserved for the trek to school, home for the break, and back again. Sometimes the “can’t wait to see them” feeling is tempered by week’s end when it’s “hurry up, we have to get going” in a push to regain your own space!

Students who study at a campus far from home often feel isolated from family and friends. Using Skype™ or face time technology is helpful – though sometimes wistful for all when it’s time to sign off. The family car is packed tight with treats and more than the basic necessities when the drive is To School, but sometimes the Coming Home trip is a tight fit as well.

I know a Dad who makes a nearly ten hour trek several times a year into what must feel like a different world altogether. From skidding slushy city driving to twelve-foot snow banks, barely two lanes and those dicey at best. The daughter, on campus, shares a house with three other girls – each of whom has a pet, or two. “Dad’s ark” as he calls it rides light on the trip north, but is laden heavily for the trip south.

Amid the luggage, foodstuffs for the trip, and probably some laundry are two cats in a crate, a goldfish named Marley and a hamster with plenty of kilometers under his paws!

If the weather holds and the roads are passable and the trip uneventful, this Dad will make the drive North beginning Friday after work and then back to the city on Saturday, leaving before Noon to hit home before midnight. These are the unsung heroes of all students whose destination is home for the holidays – true Survivor men!

On the Calendar….

Calendars for the coming year are available in the last quarter of the year, as well as mobile phone apps and online access. Business people often enter certain important dates in their e-mail program so they “pop up” as a reminder. Others - so as not to forget, make it a point to sit down with their notes book and hand print birth dates, anniversaries, vacation times, etc. onto the new calendar.

Boxed sets of birthday or all-occasion cards are popular – I’ve heard that a ritual early in January is to sign, address and stamp cards for the entire year so it’s just a matter of popping the envelope in the mail!

Personal occasions, such as one’s birthday, are more important to some than to others. One family in my own circle of relatives has never celebrated birthdays, anniversaries or dates such as Valentines, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc... It’s a practice they’re used to so nobody gets bent out of shape on their birthday, for example, when there’s no card or cake.

If your Mom, Dad or partner doesn’t acknowledge a specific date – a first inclination is to feel disappointed, and maybe a titch vexed! The first time it happened to me it took a whole day to realize that my Dad forgetting my birthday was “just one of those things”. Last year my Mother forgot my anniversary – and again, not a big deal. As she blithely said later, “it’s only important to the couple”.

It feels special though when there’s a card on the tree at Christmas and other occasions! With Valentine’s Day and all its hype fast-approaching, hold onto the outburst of hurt that likely fills your throat – maybe there’s a reason. Consider all the possibilities before the Big Pout – and don’t indulge in pay-back.

Couples who have weathered storms over a long time together have confidence that their commitment is still strong. With the pace of life and that too-long list of Things to Do, it’s easy to forget an occasion, unless there are Reminders posted everywhere! Frothy cards and maybe flowers are truly a treat, especially when unexpected! It’s what’s in our heart that’s more significant than what’s on the calendar.

Lost ...but Found!

More than forty years ago I had decided to settle in Toronto, where my mother and sister were already living. Six months of gallivanting with ‘nary a care had led me to Calgary, Vancouver and points north – but I returned east in October to revisit my home city of Montreal, job seeking. The political climate was poor and nobody could get into any office building without an appointment, so I straggled back to Toronto and started pounding the pavement.

Three girls in particular were great pals – each of us in the secretarial pool of a major insurance company. One was married already, and two of us single. Eventually we met who we thought was the knight on a white steed – and the dye was cast. The married friend was my Matron of Honour at a small ceremony, her husband the unofficial photographer. As time unfolded, they became parents; and I was asked to be godmother to their son.

Circumstances led us in different directions, and we lost touch eventually. The significance of being someone’s godmother was not lost on me though, and I always wondered if they had returned to England. The trail was cold – and I tried for a long time surfing internet sites to discover their whereabouts.

More recently, I had been entering the husband’s name on all of the social media sites, with no luck. A lot of water likely under the bridge for them and me; and my hopes waned.

Last evening, when browsing; bingo! Previously not discovered – a face leapt out at me – not really as I had remembered him, but there was very likely the husband! I nearly quavered – but zipped off a one-liner message which said “Do you have a son named “so-and-so”? Today a reply –“yes”, and with a couple of back and forth messages, we’re going to reconnect!

This may not seem particularly unbelievable – but there’s more – all of us are living in the same municipality… and this week they will be no longer Lost… but Found!

Performance Reviews…

I recently watched the 2003 movie entitled Something’s Gotta Give, which starred Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, and Canadian actor Keanu Reeves. It was a perfect filler for an evening when nothing in the TV lineup was appealing!

When observing mixed groups in social scenes a lot of surreptitious eyeballing goes on when others’ actions are observed. Public behaviours that are too sensational have proved to be the downfall of many an unwitting employee when the boss either sees or hears of incident. Green-eyed antagonists vying for either a beauty or a beast can flash daggers one to the other! Observant neighbours form gossipy opinions which target anyone who’s created too much attention – do they merit “In” or “Out” at the PTA table or Sunday group? Business competitors sometimes dig for dirt too.

Playing the game by the rules, keeping one’s head up and sidestepping controversy are well thought out actions. In this age electronic communications when personal privacy may be readily compromised, whatever you post, sext or otherwise share is a public performance review. Travel sites have been popular for a long time – vacation planners access the public reviews and are influenced by what they read! Dissing the doctor as your appointment wasn’t quite on schedule isn’t a smart way to maintain cordiality – if in need don’t knead!  Stiletto rants in print, on radio or TV and abbreviated comments have avid public followers – proverbial darts or laurels that measure someone’s merit.

Families keep a close eye on the actions of siblings, their respective partners, parents and anyone else who comes into view – sizing up their observations and assessing incidents and failure to comply behaviours!  

In the movie, Keanu Reeves’ perceptiveness as the intuitive doctor was rewarding. Wherever we may be, there’s likely a discerning someone who’s putting two and two together to culminate in just one of our many personal performance reviews.

Grinding Spices….

As a young woman and since, I have always been a keen cook. One Christmas, more than 30 years ago, I was suffering from a too-thin wallet, and decided that my only option for gifting was an assortment of pickles, relishes and chutney that had been put down in the summer season.

The recipients were truly delighted, and as everyone knows, home-crafted anythings are dear to everyone’s heart!

Cooking classes for children were begun in 1978 and continued until 1985. Students and parents alike were excited with the mastery of how-to and menu planning. A stint hostessing an International class for adults evolved from in-depth study of countries, their cultures and their foods. Sampler baskets of spices and varying spice combinations were offered at boutique stores – with requests for more.

For anyone who has used it, a mortar and pestle garners personal satisfaction and a sense of calm when rough is rendered smooth. At this particular juncture in my life, I am rediscovering the pleasures of preparing meals at home and rekindling my imagination. In this winter of 2013/2014, there are more grey skies and bluster than sun and sparkle, so yummy aromas pervading the house evoke both anticipation and, almost oppositely, calm, contentment, and a sense of stability.

As I take stock of staples and how to tweak treats, I am not only doing physical preparation of food – my mind is also nurturing and defining career opportunities which will be  perfect recipes to both produce income and offer people skills and customer care that are often essential ingredients in business development. Inadvertent failure to include them leaves tasters with a sense that “there’s something missing but I’m not sure what”. Everyone’s personal and profession occupation requires well-formulated combinations when grinding spices.

Looking Back…..

I recently read an “advice column” response to comments from a woman who had been widowed, committed to a relationship within a few months thereafter, and was heartbroken and “couldn’t stop crying” when the new partner ended their twosome.

Many men and women sometimes feel “unsuccessful” or “incomplete” if they aren’t half of what’s perceived as a whole entity.

When one looks at one’s own reflection in the mirror, do we recognize ourselves as the egg white or the egg yolk half of a partnership; or more affirmatively, as our own whole egg?  Whether it be marriage vows or an unofficial pledge, when one person commits to being the partner in a relationship, it’s a given that some compromise is an implicit presumption. So do we lose part of our identity as well?

The various life stages we grow through are, ideally, an ever-becoming process of the real person, blossoming into their best. Some people seem to always go with the flow, we can’t see evolvement; others are super-strivers to cultivate their personal and professional potential. On occasion, we feel at odds, but back-pedaling isn’t an option so we feel stuck.

The hubbub of the holiday season behind, and now in a new year where every page is still blank, most people intend to write their own book. Intentions are as real as pens and pencils – sometime there’s a block of short-sightedness that holds us back from setting down that first word!

Indecision and lack of clarity reflects in our face – others can see that something’s amiss. If our life’s journey includes wading through a swamp and we are mired down, think of it as a Temporary Assignment we’re obliged to complete.

That shell we grow is in self-defense, protecting inner thoughts and outward actions. “This too shall pass”, and the day will come when the face you see in the mirror is the real you looking back.

New Years Revolutions…

The tradition of promising oneself to turn things around or “make better” in some way or other in the New Year has a success rate of accomplishment that’s not thrilling. I’ve read that the two most frequent topics are dieting and quitting smoking.

Professionally and personally, history repeats itself when we set goals that are not realistic – thereby setting ourselves up for a fall. So this year, instead of either shrugging it all off or embracing intention, I’m setting my sights on achievable tasks.

In the December 29, 2013 Toronto Star™ section identified as Insight & Books, an article entitled Moving On struck a chord with me. The five stories offered “five perspectives on saying goodbye”. Everyone every day is moving on from some place or situation to elsewhere; at sleep time we say “goodbye today” and hopefully reawaken with clarity.

Having survived an unexpected career change and then an employment fizzle within the past 6 months, I came into the Christmas Season feeling quavery. Even my proverbial sense of optimism wasn’t sunny – in fact, I felt absolutely humbuggy! Quieting myself to seek and ask for answers seemed inconclusive – then “whammo”!

Saying “goodbye” to the old and embracing the new is my one and only New Years Revolution.